Making a big decision!

Wondering what to do. Should I sell my home, the home we've had for 36yrs. The place where we find comfort and joy. My family's place to go for the holidays the place we call home!! It is just a matter of time. I am trying to use my head instead of my heart. Do I get so far behind financially that I can't get out? Do I make the move now and sell my home, because God and I both know I can't afford it anymore. No social security from my husband for another 2 yrs. What to do and where do I go? I think our government has abandoned young widows! I want to fight this so bad! I want to help so many in my position. I am tired, I pray that God gives me the strength to keep going! Saturday is my 58th birthday... Never dreamed I'd be where I am today alone and full of worry.Why don't the scumbags have this worry- where their next $ will come from? I'll tell you why---because people like you and I take care of them! We pay for most of their rent, we buy their food, we help them buy a car, we help pay for their health care, we educate their children!!! Why then, does no one see the lonely, hard working widows? The wife of the deceased husband, the mom of the children, and the Mothers of the military. Not to mention the daughters of the Korean and WWll vets. Big decision-- dig a hole and bury yourself---or give in and become another statistic . A decision I should not have to make!!! The scumbags should have to make a decision too----get a job and get off welfare---or just get a job and leave the taxpayers alone ! It is time for this country to take care of its own!!!!!! Simple!!!

The emptiness-

I can feel it already- the sadness ! Tomorrow it will be 9 full months that Joe passed away. It hits you like a wave- it holds your breath-it makes you sick. I can't believe I've not seen Joe for 9 months. It is hard to believe. In 37 yrs. I saw him or talked to him every day and night.Wow! How does one go on.? Only by the grace of God! Oh, I miss you Joe. Perhaps tomorrow will come and go but my tears for you will last forever. I look into our childrens eyes and I see you. Life will never be the same, but I will go on as long as God allows me to. I will take all that you taught me and make you proud. You are my rock. You taught me so much about life. I will try my best,without complaining. Goodnight,Joe. Love you and miss you. Watch over us always.

Pathetic story

I had a very serious conversation with a woman yesterday. She is widowed for 12 yrs. now. Her husband died suddenly at a young age, in his early 50,s. She was left to raise children above the age of 16. Yes, they still need guidance! Anyway, she too is ill. She went on ss disability herself and when she became 60 she received 71% of her husbands social security. About 1200.00 a month. That is 300.00 a week- to feed and shelter both her children and herself. She did not quailify for welfare- nor the medical card. Her bills remained the same except for the increases, of course! She was asked to cash in her life insurance policy to deplete any cash value in it. A whopping 2,000.00 dollars, which she did. She was told she can get food stamps and can receive energy assistance to the tune of 400.00 towards her fuel bill, which by the way was cut in half, and 16.00 a month in foodstamps. She proceeded to tell me more stories that actually made my stomach turn. Her children are paying for her health care and her house taxes. They want her to be able to keep Their home. She proceeded to tell me how bad she felt walking into the welfare office. She never thought she'd be in this mess.. None of us do! We are though. We are greiving widows and we are indeed forgotten!! One more lesson she learned from me yesterday---She said well at least I'll get the 255.00 to put towards my burial!! Sorry Romayne, I said no you won't , it is a one time payment from socal security and you got it when your husband died!! God Bless you Romayne and the rest of us!!

Going on!

Well.it's saturday!! I went out with some friends last night, and I had a nice time. Why do I feel out of place. What am I --married, widowed, single? I know I present myself as untouchable! I am not comfortable yet. I think I still can't believe this. I am trying to find out just who I am! I will tell you this, I am learning everyday! God bless us all! I wonder what today will teach me!!

Today was a beautiful day. Sun was shinning, birds were singing. Up early and anxious to get to work! I love my job and really look forward to going there. I work for a doctor and see people all day long. It keeps my mind busy. As I was driving home in my car,something hit me like a brick. I didn't want to go home. To what an empty house? Clean some more ! Oh, for the first time, I was mad. Mad that my life was as it is. Mad that Joe died on me . I never felt this anger before, What the hell is wrong with me. Is this normal? Anyway, I went home to that empty house. Thank you God for my friends. I wasn't home 20 minutes before my best friend called. Lets go for a ride. I really didn't want to, I would have preferred to stay home and feel sorry for myself, but I am too smart for that-- shake your thoughts away and go. Or you'll be sorry! I confessed to my friend that for the first time I was mad! I didn't want to be mad but I was mad. Why did this have to happen. I was so happy in my little world. Well this is my little world now. I need to fight myself to stay strong. I need to smile even when my heart is broken. I need to be very busy even when I am tired. I need!

Another first!!

Well, here it is the day after easter, I have just had another holiday without Joe. I don't cook family meals anymore. Holidays are not at mom and dad house, as usual. Just the thought of it sickens me. I had two IHM nuns here one sunday for dinner and it was a disaster. I walked around the kitchen with little or no desire to prepare a delicious meal. Cooking and dinner parties were joe's and my speciality! Without him, at this time, it just isn't there! So now I just go with the flow. My daughter has what I used to have!! Thank God for her and her husband. She tries so hard to make me happy. Joy knows it is hard for me, she has her battles with the loss too. So I hope everyone that reads this has had a happy Easter and I know you are saying ,As I am,thank God it is over. On to the next one... Marlene

The Forgotten Young Widows of America

I started to become angry that no one believed this law to be true. Fortunately for me I know several people who are in congress and the senate. I contacted them all and told the my story. They were all very good listeners. There wasn't anything they could do to rectify my problem. I spoke with senator Arlen Spector, he wanted to help, his people are still intouch with me. I spoke with Paul kanjorsky's people, very concerned, I spoke with senator Bob Casey himself, he wants to help.Everyone wants to help. I thought I know just the man. I wrote to congressman Chris Carneys office and within 2 weeks I had an email advising me of my private meeting with the congressman. Oh Tuesday I met with him, and as always received a warm welcome. I sat with with congressman Carney for about 45 minutes and explained that there is a big difference in our cases. Ours, means the young widows without children under the age of 16 or 18 yrs of age. Without our husbands retiring at an early age because we were financially secure. Widows without large insurance policies to sustain them, no one would insure them. I will tell you this, when I reach 60, the magic number, I will be limited to how much I can work, there is a limit! I can only earn 14,000.oo dollars a year or I will be penalized 1.oo for every 2.oo I make. Ok now, why do you penalize us for working? You are forcing us to take the easy way out and go on welfare. Don't penalize me---applaude me for not giving up. We are not the lazy people--we believe in going on and making you proud of us. Don't ignore us and pretend we arn't there. We are! My plan is to find every young widow who is struggling and get her to join in the effort I have put forth. Admire my desire to help people, admire my desire to move on. Admire my faith in you. help us not be extravagent but to live a peaceful full live.